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- Awakening Starts with Prayer
- Mark 11:22-25 Jesus was matter-of-fact: “Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, ‘Go jump in the lake’—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it’s as good as done. That’s why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you’ll get God’s everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it’s not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins.”I like prayer because it reminds me that we have a relational father. A relational God. I heard once that our view of God is tied so closely with our view of our parents.In Chicago I worked with someone who grew up in Cabrini Green- a hard place to experience childhood in the South side of Chicago. He said one of the obstacles for faith initiatives in the inner city is teaching kids about God, the father. Because often, kids have a view of father that is unavailable, totally absent from their life. That makes me sad.So I started thinking, what’s my view of God. Is he like the all-knowing dude who creates us, winds us up and then let’s life happen as he hangs out in the clouds. Or he is legalistic where we must do good works to gain his approval. Or is he wise and strong like Gandalf from Lord of the Rings with a long beard? Does God care about a relationship- or just a conversion point? Do I view God as passive? Or active? Or Kind? Or caring? Or available?Sometimes I think God might be too busy for me- like there are kids dying of AIDS in Africa and really horrific things going on in the world that break my heart. So my ‘please help me be a better version of myself because sometimes I feel unfixable’ prayer seems a little trite.But God is bigger than that. It doesn’t matter if the darkness is personal like Paul’s thorn in his side, or my constant need to accept and receive grace, or if it’s global like racism, or the beyond crappy stuff happening in Syria, prayer invites light into dark places.One time someone told me to ‘let go and let God.’I had an urge to punch that person because I don’t really know what that means on a practical level- especially when I’m going through a hard time. But I do know that God does powerful things. And I have seen bold prayers move boldly in some of my friends and family. And I have seen light brought to really dark situations in some of the people closest to me.At the end of the day I think what we have to offer each other is prayer and relationship.Mark 11:22-25 punctuates that.Following Jesus’ leadership looks like praying boldly for God to do God’s work.Awakening starts with prayer.Where in your life do you need to experience God’s boldness? What ‘mountains’ need moved in your life? Can you bring those bold prayers to God?
- Be Who You Are
- I’m 34. Maybe it’s time to just start being who I am. I have brown straight hair that sometimes decides to fall out and I dangle more than I used to (thank you Amelia). I’m dorky and awkward and honest to a fault. I’m addicted to chapstick, gum, and bagels.
Sometimes I pretend I have it together and that I don’t need help.
Sometimes I pretend that I like small talk.
Sometimes I pretend that being a mom is easier than it looks (Did I mention Amelia puked on me this week- she had chili for lunch.)When we moved to Colorado, I made a conscious decision: I will just be me. It was the best advice I ever received when I was interviewing. Just be you. So beyond the workplace, I want relationships where I can be Hanna. And where the other person can be the other person.
Life will be easier if we all just be our awkward honest selves.
- It’s okay
I remembered 2 things today.
The first: it’s okay.
It’s okay that in 15 days at 6am, we’ll lock our doors and pull out of our driveway for the last time. It’s okay that we don’t know what’s ahead of us. It’s okay that not all of our family understands why we would pack up and move to Colorado. We don’t fully understand it either. It’s okay that things in my life are largely imperfect and I can’t make them perfect. It’s okay that people (even those closest to me) think, act, love, fill-in-the-blank different than me. I have a tendency to be critical of those differences but I can choose to love them instead. It’s okay that my days go almost always not according to my plans. Welcome to parenthood- but really, welcome to life. It’s okay that my time in Chicago is ending- even if I’ve been begrudging towards it ending. And finally, it’s okay to feel equal parts of the entire emoji spectrum (insert the following emojis: 😊smiley, 😿cat crying, 😂hysterically laughing smiley, 👻ghost, 💾floppy disk, 🙄rolling eyes smiley, and 🏃running guy).
As for the second thing I remembered today: It’s already been forgotten.
And that’s okay too.
👍
- What’s My Purpose?
- After a call to my parents yielded little results with getting an answer to life’s burning question: What’s my purpose? I went to the next best place. But to my chagrin googleing, What should I do with my life, didn’t produce any profound results either. I was left with a few links to Buddha-themed websites and a list of self-help books on amazon. Apparently finding your purpose isn’t as easy as it was portrayed on ‘The Jerk”. I need more than an ashtray and a chair… and some rhythm.
Since I can’t foreshadow the future, I spent some time reflecting on what I learned in the past year. Hoping that maybe the past 12 months would illuminate some grand insight about my next step. And unfortunately/fortunately this is not an exhaustive list.
- I’m mostly under prepared for everything in life—including (but not limited to) being a parent. Thanks to the internet I can read lots of opinions about being a parent but none of those opinions really matter. It’s the lessons learned in the doing.
- Rolling with the punches is really hard. I’ve finally conceded. Parenting has been a lesson in giving over what power I thought I had to this tiny human being. So long easy shopping trips, quiet car rides, free time, eating slowly, clothes that stay clean for an entire day, and good bye to letting the sun rise before me.
- Parenting is rewarding. And so is working. And so is being a good friend. And so is being a loving wife.
- If I’m working, I want to be at home. If I’m at home, I want to be working. Each decision I make about how I spend my time carries enough weight to crush me with guilt. I have to constantly make the decision to be okay with my choices.
- When in doubt, don’t judge.
- If you’re still in doubt, be kind… even when you’re tired and self-righteous.
- Get outside everyday.
- Being a parent will trigger all insecurities you’ve ever had (even the ones that you pushed deep down and thought disappeared). Decide to love yourself anyways.
- Sometimes life is just hard. And you can’t think about how hard it is. Instead you just decide to take one step forward and get done what needs to be done.
- If your upper lip needs waxed- wax it (instead of blaming it on constant bad lighting that produces too many shadows). And then call your mom and let her know you’ve experienced another rite of passage. Please read #5 and then #8.
- Thank your parents for loving you. And getting you this far. And for putting up with your crazy self when you were a sticky-hands-in-everything-toddler, and during your 7th grade awkward-training-bra phase, and during your high school mean streak, and during your college find-your-self-days, and when you were in your 30’s. And thank them for listening to you rant. Always.
Cheers to another year of lessons and hopefully a little bit closer to finding out my life’s purpose. ☺
Love and peace to your soul,
Hanna - Here’s to you 2016!
Hi 2016!!! I can already tell you’ll be awesome. So far you’ve filled my life with time to make chowder (which is pounced shou-dare in our house), put away Christmas decorations, and a color in a coloring book. This year I’m not even hoping that you’ll be filled with easy sun drenched days—that’s just an added bonus. I’m mostly looking for growth and for you to remind me to be kind to those I love most. And to those I love least.
The year before you felt full. Tiny humans will do that—fill your days with a rhythm that consists of 80% cleaning up bodily fluids and the other 20% made up of preparing for the next hour of the day. I have never worked so hard to keep my house marginally clean. Or myself marginally fed marginally healthy food. But don’t get me wrong, 2015 was a good year. I have a healthy baby, a loving husband and I’m pretty grateful (on days when I’m not cynical).
Life could be a lot harder, a lot colder, a lot tougher but it’s not. And I’m grateful that Amelia smiles, I’m grateful that she can breathe, I’m grateful that I can laugh (and cry), I’m grateful that I have money to buy wipes to clean smeared poop off Amelia’s back. I’m grateful I have a car with heat that works. I’m grateful I have a husband who can diffuse my temper and still wants to hug me even when I’m unreasonably pouty. I’m grateful our house has windows that let the sunlight in. I’m grateful that God gave someone the idea to invent gummy bears. And thanks French people for good French press coffee.
So here’s to you 2016. That you’ll remember to be gentle with my heart and if you have magic powers maybe you can help keep my bad moods in check. And if not, just send me not-so-subtle reminders throughout the next 363 days to be thankful for the things that fill my life that I all too often overlook.